Bout’ time for Bajram (Eid al-Adha)

Background on Bajram/Eid: 

Bajram as we call it in Bosnia is the internationally recognized Muslim holiday of Eid al -Adha. This holiday celebrates Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son in reverence to Allah (G-D). Allah, however, intervened and sent an angel to tell him to sacrifice an animal instead. The sacrificial animal is split into three parts. The first part is for your family to eat, the second for your friends and extended family, and the third for the poor.  This year it started on September 11 at sundown.

A brief note on celebrating Bajram on 9/11 – This was quiet a significant realization I had that we were celebrating this holiday September 11th. The exchange program in which I am participating was created because of the horrendous events of 9/11. The Kennedy-Lugar Youth Exchange and Study Abroad program was created to build relationships of mutual trust, peace and understanding with people of the Muslim faith for ourselves and the next generation of Americans. A goal of the program is that we, as students,  may bring back our insight and share it to begin healing the broken places within our own country. This 9/11 on the holiday of  Bajram as I sat with my beautiful peaceful Muslim family they were the first ones to bring up the fact it was 9/11. My host mom held her hand to her heart and my host dad looked me in the eyes and acknowledged the sadness that so many Americans were facing that day. My host dad who has lived in Iraq had witnessed so much of the sadness that continued to resonate after 9/11. On this controversial day, I worked on peace and the preparation of celebration I was about to experience.

Play by Play of my Bajram: 

9/11- Of course a thorough cleaning of the house must be done before Barjam arrived.  We cleaned, we went to the market, we and cooked. Sabiha showed me and let me help make a traditional Bosnian dish called Pita that we would eat at our feast the next day (pictured below). At sundown my family brought me into the living room we opened the doors to hear the  special call to prayer signifying the beginning of Bajram. My host mother covered her hair with a beautiful scarf that her mother had given her and then my host mom and father sat me down to observe as they prayed. It was one of the most intimate experiences I have been privy.  

9/12-

6:00 am: I woke up to wish my host father well before he left for the Mosque and to hear the call to prayer. I sat on my balcony listening to the call to prayer. Then I went inside and my host mom and I watched the service on the TV. Women are not allowed to go to Bajram services. I know limited Bosnian and as I listened to the Imam give his sermon the words I heard, the most that I could understand were: love and family.

8:30 am: My host brother and his wife and their baby came over for a morning feast. We ate the pita we made along with peppers, meat, bread, soup. We sat around enjoying our full tummies for awhile. Everyone was dressed in their best even Hamza the 3 month old was wearing a bow-tie. The women covered their hair before going out.

11 am: It is custom to visit the graves of dead family members on Bajram. We all drove to the grave of my host sister in-law Meljiha’s father and uncle. The women went to pray first as is custom. I helped Meljiha sweep off the the graves as she wept. The women then prayed in front of the graves while I stood in reverence. After they prayed I thought I would share the Jewish prayer for death (mourner’s kaddish), so I said that prayer aloud in Hebrew. We returned to the car and the men went to the graves.

The picture of me above is near the graves.

1 pm: We drove to Melijha’s mother’s house where many family and friends joined us in celebration. I got a quick look at the 4 sheep alive before we started the sacrificial slaughtering process. The rest of the day we spent talking and laughing with the babies and kids while the men slaughtered the sheep. I could only bear to watch one of the sheep being slaughtered.

Process of sacrificially slaughtering a sheep (or other animal) for Eid GRAPHIC WARNING:

1. Dig a whole. This is religious. According to Nedim (12 year old) the blood of the sheep goes into the hole washing away sins, his mom thought it might be a different reason. Anyway you need a hole to put the sheep’s head over.
2. Drag the bleating sheep to the hole and lay it down- head over hole. Take your newly sharpened knife and slice a long incision along its neck.
3. Cover your ears as the animal cries out for dear life.
4. Chop off the feet and put them in a pile with the head.
5. Take the now dead sheep to the hook you have rigged into a tree and put it through. Proceed to sheer the sheep.
6. Take out all the organs and such and somehow sort it.
7. Use the handy dandy Bajram meat bags for separating the meat that is going to the poor, friends, and family. This process is called Korban.
8. Hand out the meat in baggies to designated people. We gave some to a shelter for the poor on our way home.

6 pm: We enjoyed another feast with the sheep we had just slaughtered.

8 pm: We drove home on the way stopping to give meat to the homeless. When we got home we received many guests.

9 pm- 12 pm: We had friends and family over to celebrate. We drank tea and ate baklava. It was such a warm and exhausting day.

9/13-

8 am: I woke up and walked out of my room to find we still had guests. I quickly went back into my room to change and joined everyone for yet another feast. We spent the rest of the morning with family.

5pm: We drove to my host dad’s sister’s house in a village not far from Sarajevo. We visited with them until late unto the night.

10 pm: We drove to my host sister’s house for more visiting and Bajram celebration.

I received time off of school for Bajram and the net day it was back to school.

What I learned over Bajram:   

• When a Muslim baby is born a animal is slaughtered in their honor. Boys receive two and girls one. If you can’t afford one at the time of birth you can get one as soon as you can afford it.
• It’s OK to take a break for a few min alone in the bathroom and breath after meeting so many new family members and friends as it is overwhelming.
• You don’t have to understand or approve of sacrificial killing to respect and in fact love the holiday.
• Pita tastes the best when you make it.
• Smiles are the best answers to questions you can’t understand in a different language. 

I made it! More than a month down.

Today while I was not being productive, I was reading blog posts of other exchange students on YES and I felt myself enjoying the variety of styles people chose to share their journey. Some people only highlighted the good and their blog was filled with abundant positivity. Others had unfiltered blogs which made for quite an entertaining read. I am loving writing my blog, the comments I receive after are motivating and often give me some of the extra support I am needing. Here, however, is a disclaimer for my blog: I am going to write honestly about my personal experiences living in Sarajevo. These are just my observations and feelings. I can only speak from my experience. This is filtered. What I am going through is deeply personal and transformative and while some of that I am ecstatic to share with you it is not everything. My feelings are complex and I am not at a place to share the entirety of my experiences. My life here is beautiful and intense.

I wrote this blog post in the 2 ½ hours I have in between my classes. Right now I’m sitting in a cafe about a block from school drinking chai and eating paprika chips. I’m seated outside in the chilly air. A young woman in a dark purple hijab carrying school books walks by in front of me. I feel frustrated at myself for not bringing my geography or math homework with me to work on in this break. I like to pride myself on using my time well but I seem to be failing at that in Bosnia. I get so caught up in my own head and thoughts. I am never bored even when I sit for hours drinking coffee not having any idea what people are saying. I’m usually somewhere in my head. I have to sometimes give myself a lecture “snap out of it! Listen up! This is how you will learn the language!” Adhering to my own directions for about twenty minutes then I am back in my head; pondering and uncovering new discoveries.

So it’s been a little more than a month! I’m so proud of myself for making it this long. I feel an incredible amount of encouragement from myself and also from all of you. Knowing that people genuinely care what I am doing helps me through the moments of wanting to be home so much my body aches. I’ve learned so much in a month but mostly I just feel uneducated. It’s hard to explain. I like Sarajevo and Bosnia, I am giving myself time to love it. I love my host family. I love how my host dad (Zaim) always says “Jesti Samanta” (no th sound) and I have no idea what is means. Mostly I feel like I’m the same girl quick to give an opinion and sensitive to the pain of the world. I can tell one thing about me has changed. Things in Bosnia are not always done in the most productive manner. I feel as though my life in the United States was an exercise in valuing and obtaining …in the most logical and efficient manner. In other words straightforward actions. This is certainly not the case in Bosnia. The communication adds to the confusion but also due to the value this culture has on the journey, my life is not straightforward or organized here. Sometimes I go down the same street three times backtracking not because I don’t know where I am (that does happen a lot though) but because that is how plans have been arranged. In the United States I could easily see myself being annoyed and frustrated with the illogical planning of actions and timing. Here I have found myself embracing it as just another way to adventure. It is not always important or better to do things in the most efficient way. Or perhaps valuing productivity isn’t the most efficient? These are just some of the things rolling around in my overly active brain.

Stay tuned my next post will include sacrificial sheep, visiting a cemetery, babies and everything else Bajram or Eid- al- Adha!               

    

Random pictures

A common fruit stand.

Me getting on trolley (my hand is out to show the inspector I have money and am not trying to ride for free- which basically everyone here does)

The girl’s toilet at my school. Toilet paper is pretty non-existent here. Enough said.

My mountains here are gorgeous. This view was on a normal drive.

Meljiha, Hamza, and I having a coffee (what else) at a park!

On a lighter note…what I see on my way to school and an average day!

Around sunrise: I wake up to the call to prayer. My apartment building is 500 feet from the Mosque my family goes to. I turn and go back to sleep.

7:00 am: I wake up to the church bells that are a few blocks away.

8:00 am: I wake up to my alarm. I make my way to the bathroom where the water has recently been turned back on. Due to water shortages during certain hours of the day and night we do not have running water. This makes doing laundry, showering, etc very scheduled activities. I then get dressed. A note about what the “dress code”: In Sarajevo it is pretty rare to see a woman show above her knees. Men are much more accepted to wear shorts and we (women) are not allowed to. Shoulders are fine to show when going out casually, but are not commonly seen. I then sit for 30 min or so drinking tea and coffee with my family. Actually according to house rules I’m not allowed to leave the house without sitting and drinking the Bosnian coffee. It is like a ritual each morning to receive this.

9:00 am: I say “Caio” to my family, gather my things, and slip my shoes on by the door. Shoes are not allowed in houses here and almost certainly not Muslim houses. I walk the ten minuted to the trolley stop and run the last 50 feet to try and catch the trolley that is pulling away…usually with luck.

On the trolley: I pass pekara (bakery) after pekara. I pass old women sitting three to a bench gossiping. I pass so many fruit and vegetable stands I can’t count them all. They always seem to come with an old man who always beats me in bargaining…granted it’s in Bosnian. If only they knew my debate skills! I pass 7 Mosques on my way to school and 2 churches. My two favorite parts of the trolley bus: Everyone uses it. It doesn’t matter if you are a high level executive or a homeless man. The public transportation is for everyone.Entitlement is not attached to the concept of use as it is often times in the States. Second, without hesitation young people give up their seats for elders, pregnant women, and people with babies. By the end of my ride I am always standing clutching my backpack in front of me. Petty crime is rampant.

10:30-6:30: School and Cafes. The school schedule is completely different than what I am used to in the States as well school is completely different. I have so far had only one week of school. I have a schedule that rotates every week and every day of the week has a different design of class layout. So some days I only have two classes, but they are 4 hours apart and so I sit in a cafe with other students who have similar breaks. Bosnian teens are chain smokers as well as basically all Bosnians. I can’t even think about the second hand smoke I experience at dinner alone.

7:00: I go to Bosnian lessons. We have Bosnian class along with school every week day. This is just plain exhausting, but I’m learning I think. My family speaks no English so my practice at home is mandatory. After class I ride the Trolley home.

9:00: I eat dinner. We all eat communally and I love eating with my hands. While sometimes silver wear are involved mostly we eat with our hands. We eat soup always first (using a spoon). Then we all eat out of one bowl of tomatoes, meat, and sliced bread (usually with plum jam).

10:00: I get offered more coffee. I say no thank you and go to bed. I get laughed at for A) going to bed so early and B) for asking for milk instead of coffee- I am compared to my 3 month host nephew Hamza quite a bit. LOL!

Here is a picture of Hamza wearing the Asheville onesie I bought him:

A feminist rant from 5,000 miles away…

Walking through the Sarajevo City Center like anywhere in Bosnia my senses are heightened. I see women in all assortments of flashy colors and just as beautifully covered women in all black. I hear Arabic and Bosnian in accents and from lips of varying histories. I smell Bosnian pita (google it) cooking from vendors, and I taste the  chocolate and hazelnut drink that is my favorite thing to buy from the Konzum. I also read. The walls of the Sarajevo City Center are covered in quotes all relating to women. My immediate reaction to reading the quotes is to react harshly with angered judgment to another thing I should add to my list of perceived Bosnian sexism.

It is hard to read them above. This is just a few examples, but this is what they say:

1. “If women didn’t exist, All the money in the world would have no meaning.”
2. “Women need food, water, and compliments, and oh yea that’s right an occasional pair of shoes.”
3. “The most efficient water power in the world = Women’s tears.”

For a few days whenever I would think about it I would refer to it as Bosnian sexism. I would think about the 12 year old girl in my neighborhood who I witnessed her aunt telling her she shouldn’t play soccer, she should dance. I thought about the conversation with the 17 year old girl who explained to me she wanted to wait to marry because she wasn’t looking forward to cleaning, cooking, and birthing children for her husband. I thought about the numerous times my host mom would put cosmetic magazines in front of me and make me look through them. Slightly appalled I don’t wear makeup regularly. I can think of a dozen other examples, but the point is whenever I thought of this I subconsciously referred to it as “Bosnian Sexism”.

The fact is I AM WRONG. It’s not “Bosnian Sexism”. It’s not a judgment I should have on Bosnia or Sarajevo. It is a judgment I should have on the world I live in. Because sexism is sexism no matter where I am. It is time I recognize the sexism in America as part of American culture and values just as equally as I recognize the sexism experienced in Bosnia as part of Bosnian culture and values. And from there it should be seen as a world wide flaw and not one of a specific nationality and religion.

While I am learning all these lessons within myself it is also important for me to constantly remind myself I am not here to fix what I perceive as wrong. I am part of a country that has wounds and holes that need mending and that is where my platform belongs. I do not share the scars of the Bosnian people or Bosnian women. This is their fight to fight, not mine. Don’t worry in one year I will be back on the soil of my fight and I will have plenty to say and do!

What has been funny/enjoyable & What has been hard so far:

Let’s start with the funny: 

• Yesterday I rode the Trolley home from the city for the first time without getting lost! Yay small victories. In the midst of my trolley ride the driver stops the whole trolley in the middle of the road and gets out. He goes into a bakery gets himself a pastry, eats it, then starts the trolley back. No one seemed to think anything of it. I just sat there smiling! Never in the States. LOL! Pic of Trolley!
• Hair drying. It is official my family doesn’t trust me to blow dry my own hair. The belief is that if I don’t blow dry my hair I will get a cold or some kind of sickness and die. This is no joke. They believe this whole heartedly. This morning I took a “shower”. It is really a nose in a tub not our traditional view of a shower. And I thought I did an ok job blow drying my hair, but apparently not. So Sabiha (my host mom) has decided to take the situation into her own hands. 
• Speaking of my host mom earlier this week she showed me her kidney stones. That was one interesting conversation I didn’t quit follow in Bosnian. So what I got was that in 1998 she had kidney stones and the doctors removed them and now they are in a jar in our living room. She then insisted I hold them in my hands. In the USA this would seem very odd, but Bosnian’s are very direct (you will read about down below). I do not have a picture of this experience.
• I have really connected with my host Dad Zaim. He lived in Iraq and speaks Arabic to me. We have bonded over being exhausted; he is a construction worker (I am just jet lagged). We have bonded over learning languages he knows Bosnian, Serbian, Croatian, Arabic, Italian, and a little Spanish. But what I have enjoyed most recently is learning how to roll cigarettes. Bosnia is a HUGE smoking culture. My family rolls their own. Zaim and I have created a system for me helping him. I love the smell of his bag of tobacco on our table as we roll them together. I don’t have a picture, but I will later.
• My family decided to re-new their family photo picture one evening while we were drinking coffee. They are so inclusive! They finally trust me enough to hold the littlest baby Hamza (3 months). Most people are in the picture below but those who are not pictured are: Bubba (my host sister), Ramel (my host brother- in law), Amine ( age 2), Aideen (age 6), Nedim (age 12). Nedim was the photographer! What has been hard: 
• Really the hardest thing for me is the difference in communication and language. Bosnian’s are very direct in a way that would be considered very rude in the United States. They have no value for being politically correct which to me sometimes comes off as sexist, racist, homophobic, etc (which sometimes it is, but now always). I am still figuring out how to navigate this without being offended and hurt. Today for example I had the hardest time I have had in Bosnia so far. Now that I reflect on it I can see how I was just projecting the way my life in the States had encouraged me to. So I was at a coffee shop with this Bosnian teenage boy and there is a girl near us who is obviously obese. And he starts making comments about how fat and disgusting she is. This really struck me so I spoke up. I tried to explain that it is really not nice to body shame someone, and especially this pre-teen girl. I tried to explain body image issues especially for girls. Instead of him taking my thoughts as just friendly debate or conversation. He got really upset with me and started saying that I didn’t respect that way Bosnian’s talk about each other and that I had no respect from him because I referenced the US’s struggle with body acceptance. Communication is conveyed really differently and it will take me awhile to get used to it without being hurt. In the US I would expect him if he was upset to talk privately to me or just move on and agree wit disagree. Instead it is culturally appropriate to say exactly what is on his mind. So in front of everyone he starts getting loud and close to me about how I do not need to like him and how I am taking offense to everyone, and that I have insecurities and such. I am sensitive about people getting loud and in my face so this was a really hard experience for me. Now that I think about it a few hours after I can look back and see how I could be coming off from a place of privilege and it might not be my place to comment on how he talks. This kind of loud direct talk is also not uncommon in my family interactions. Especially with Nedim and it is hard getting used to it. I am a person who feels the pain of the world in such a deep way that my sensitivity sometimes does not serve me well as I am learning. I have to work on brushing it off! Anyway as you can see there are a lot more fun and interesting things than hard right now! Here is a happy picture of me!

I am here! This is what has happened on the 1st day:

August 17

Arrived in Sarajevo. Went through customs and passport check. The airport was super small. I wanted to take a picture, but it is illegal. Google image some pictures if you are curious. Sabiha and Malijha my host mom and host sister in law picked me up from the airport. Sabiha speaks no english and Malijha speaks just a little bit. We drove to Dobrijna where I live. Their apartment is on the 6th floor. Sabiha has bad knees so Melijha and I made a couple trips up with my stuff. I brought wayyyyyy to much stuff. My room is tiny. I sleep on a couch thing. It doesn’t pull out or anything. I share a closet with Sabiha. When I arrived there was no running water. Melijha went back home, she lives super close. She has a baby Hamza who is 3 months old. Sabiha made me tons of food for lunch (pictured down below) and tons of coffee. Bosnia is a HUGE coffee culture to say the least. I took a nap. When I woke up a 12 year old boy (Nedim) and his mother where in the house. Nedim for a while is living with us. He is basically my host brother. He speaks english so he does a lot of translating and he just hangs out.

That evening everyone came over, Sabiha and Zaim’s children and their grand children. We all drank more coffee, eat, and played.

Interesting cultural experience on the first day: 

In Bosnia wives tales and beliefs along those regards are very prevalent. The first thing that happened was I was playing with the children and I moved to sit on the floor with them easier Aideen (6) and Amina (2). They didn’t want me to sit on the floor because they feared I would get sick. As a woman they worry that sitting on the ground or floor without something under you will freeze your ovaries. So I played with them in a chair.

Blow drying- In Bosnia you do nothing with wet hair. They believe if you have wet hair you will get cold and die. I knew this before arriving and they showed me the blow dryer. So after I “showered”. The shower is a tub with a spray handle. I did blow dry my hair. When I came out of the shower, however, my hair was not to their liking! Aim moved the hair dryer into the living room where I sat as they all watched me blowdry my hair. Occasionally they would feel my hair to see if it was dry enough. Finally Zaim said it was ok!

 

I have been here now 5 days. I have more to write, but I need to finish unpacking and spend time with Nedim before he explodes!

8 day countdown!

This coming week will be a whirlwind of excitement and sad goodbyes. This transition is huge for a 16 year old to make and I am so thankful for my YES abroad community for being there with me and understanding all the feelings I am going through. For those of you curious about what my life will be like here is the information I have so far.

Home life: I am living with wonderful host parents. We have emailed a few times and I am so excited! They are practicing Muslims and live right by a beautiful Mosque. They are retired and have two grown children. Their son lives in the same residential area of Sarajevo called Dobrinja. He and his wife have a 2 month old baby!  These apartments are residential area was created when Bosnia hosted the olympics. Their daughter also lives in Sarajevo and she has a 2 year old and a 6 year old. The family speaks no English! I speak almost no Bosnian while I am working hard to learn the language I am excited to learn other ways of communication!

School life: I will be attending a public high school called Druga Gimnazija. The school has an International Baccalaureate program that I will be a part of. All of the classes I am taking will be in English, however, the entire school population does not speak English. I will be enrolled in core classes.

Promotion of Muslim- American relations: I am so excited to be in a program that focuses on Muslim relations. I will be learning about Bosnian culture through a Muslim family’s view point. Sarajevo the capital where I will be living  is 80% Muslim. I will be an ambassador with the State Department for promoting cultural inclusivity from an American perspective. I will bring back what I have learned to my various different communities. 

PDO WOAH!

Zdravo! 

PDO (Pre-Daprture Orientation) was a whirlwind of information, activity, and cultural conversation! It was absolutely brilliant and very sleep depriving! Everyone who was accepted by YES abroad met in DC for 4 filled days of cultural dialogue. I met so many other diverse students all going to different corners of the earth. It was especially special to meet the other students who will be in Bosnia with me. How lucky and grateful I feel to be in the company of such kind and thoughtful young people.

In DC we visited our countries embassy and talked to a consulate as well as visiting the State Department! We were becoming real ambassadors (I know it is cheesy)! We had an awesome group leader who actually lived in the same neighborhood I will be in Sarajevo. I am even more excited about going! I have a lot to do before August 16 so I better get on it!